jodieee:

How do you explain what it feels like to want something, but not be able to exert the energy to get it? It’s not a matter of being lazy. There’s brief periods when I can get things done, when I can clear my mind, and when I go after the things that make me feel good. The rest of the time, I’m too depressed. I have all of these thoughts in my head. I’ve been putting them down on paper, and trying to get them out on here, but it sounds almost silly, doesn’t it? I attempted a 20 minute yoga session, and couldn’t even make it through 10 minutes without breaking concentration. I sat on my yoga mat and cried until I fell asleep. Just about the only thing I’m accomplishing anything with is my vegetarianism. Well, I suppose maybe I should stick with calling myself pescetarian, because I’ve eaten some fish.

The number one thing on my mind is money. I have $42 to last me until next Friday. I owe my dad $170 for my bills, and my rent is due Tuesday. I have no idea how I’m going to make $200 appear out of nowhere, but that seems to be the plan right now.

I also skipped my counseling appointment again today, and haven’t been able to see a doctor about how sick I’ve been.

Oh, and all the tension between my mom and I is making me reconsider moving to California.

Bummer.

Don’t you dare reconsider California. You know that staying here because of tension will just reinforce the tension because you will be around it. In Cali you can be freed from worrying at all about the things here that stress the negative feelings. I know it’s not the same scale, but take it from someone who almost didn’t move out because of the tension with my dad. Now we have a better relationship than ever in 24 years. DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU, THE REST WILL FALL INTO PLACE ON THEIR OWN.

(Source: livefit-befit)